A field guide to airports…PART FOUR (Final)

7 12 2010

Now we come to the final part of the exclusive airport field guide.

The ‘Far-Out’ Traveller

The far-out travellers are a unique group, and probably the easiest to spot..or at least smell. Either way, they are an assault on your senses. Typically found solo, or if you are really unlucky in a group gaggle they form the most nauseating type. Rest assured, they will resemble the contents of a Greenpeace meeting donning a manky t-shirt or fleece and trousers so large and baggy that Krusty the Clown or MC Hammer would be proud. Of course, we must not forget the knackered old sandals with dirty grubby little pinky’s sticking out.

By far the easiest method of spotting Swampy is the hair style. It’s uniform for both male and female members and resembles a bird’s nest, complete with inhabitants. I haven’t even mentioned the smell, as it’s an interesting concoction of musk, dirty clothes and sweat. I will leave you to experience that pleasure yourself !

Swampy will stand next to you at the Check-in queue, proclaiming loudly to whom-ever will listen about how they’ve just returned from a jungle hike in Borneo, and how “commercial Macchu Picchu is now, yeah“.  In the next breath they will talk about how Daddy’s just “bought the new Maserati Quattroporte” and that they’ve deferred their student loan for another year…”It’s not that I can’t afford to pay it off, it’s just the principle yeah” !

Swampy & Swampette are generally free-loading student types, who the second they’ve pushed the CONFIRM button on the STA Travel itinerary on their Borneo flight inherit a style and odour that can be best described as “Worzel Gummidge“.

KEY FEATURES – Note features are not gender specific

Dirty T-Shirt or Fleece Jacket

Clown trowsers – usually lurid colours

Male Sari – if you are really lucky !

Grubby smelly toes sticking out of sandals

Hair replaced with a rat’s nest

Funky aroma – akin to rotten sweat

Hairy face (male & female)

I hope that you have enjoyed this airport field guide. Soon I will start a game of “Nation Spotting“, always guaranteed to bring a smile to your face during the 3 hour delays !




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