Endemol…I blame you

As the title suggests, I blame Endemol.

“For what” I hear you yell collectively…

“Reality TV” I reply through gritted teeth, “Big-Brother…Reality TV and the subsequent breakdown of modern society“.

Big-Brother started it all. Produced by Dutch company Endemol, and exported worldwide it gave absolute simpletons who were so pumped up on their own self-importance the opportunity to have their fifteen seconds of fame. Let’s be honest, if you come across most of the BB contestants in the street you would either punch or section them, or maybe both ? The contestants seemed willing to have their dignity extracted in front of a voyeuristic audience of millions. Each action within the BB household was carefully controlled and monitored by the production team. Guaranteed to make a minor disagreement into WWIII, and all for the benefit of the audience. There was nothing at all real about the contestants, or the situations. This is the real crux of the matter for me…the audience would happily vote (pay) to kick people out. Consequently Endemol & Channel 4 made obscene amounts of money from said idiots (audience & contestants).

After several vomit inducing series, BB was finally drawn to a close. Did that stop the tidal wave of craptastic reality TV…did it hell.

Now that may seem a little harsh to you dear reader, but I shall not be swayed by any argument on this. Yes, it’s true that delights such as “X-Factor” and “Britain’s (apparently) Got Talent” brighten some folks evenings, but lets scratch a little deeper shall we ? These dire productions are churned out by production companies and TV channels the world over.It’s simply TV on the cheap, and us eejits are paying for it and consequently encouraging it.

What makes me chuckle is that it’s the same basic principle for each show :-

1. Use a well-known celebrity to compare the show (instantly builds kudos)

2. Introduce the nobodies (either nobodies from the street, or a Z list celebrity) to the audience

3. Talk non-stop about the show on chat shows (controlled by the same TV channel) to build up expectation and “scandal” about the contestants.

4. Play the show on prime time TV, therefore creating the illusion that it’s more important to the audience than breathing.

5. Get the audience to vote (pay) via premium rate phone numbers. Don’t forget to not count votes. Be as rude as possible to the contestants. Remember, less dignity equals more votes (money) !

6. Repeat step 4.

7. Create the illusion that the final is going to be equivalent to the second coming of Christ, therefore encouraging votes (money).

8. Elevate the winning nobody to the status of a demi God, keep famous for about two weeks then send them back to the dole queue.

9. In 6 months repeat from step 1.

This truly is a winning formula the world over. Look at any reality TV show in any country, and they all follow this formulaic trait. Let’s be honest, how many non-celebrity winners can we think of..erm..Craig who was also on Bo Selecta…erm Susan Boil..erm erm. The list is, well remarkably short !

This is what gets me more than anything. It’s selling the dream, not only to the poor saps who volunteer to put themselves through this humiliation, but to the audiences who lap it up and are happy to pay for it. It becomes consuming, it’s all some people can talk about (apart from football..but that’s another rant) ! It’s as if normal conversational subjects break down whilst “Dancing on Ice” is being smeared across our screens. Eight years back, the average member of public didn’t give a toss about ice skating or ballroom dancing. Because the TV tells them that it’s important…they have to breath into a paper bag every time they see a sequined leotard !

I resent not being able to turn on the televisual box due to the reality TV dirge that assaults my eyes. I resent people thinking that you are from Saturn because you don’t watch X-Factor. I resent the fact that self righteous tw*ts like Simon Cowell get the chance to be a self righteous tw*t.

I really resent people not being able to think for themselves, and being controlled by the TV Networks.

Right, I actually feel better after that….